r/wholesomememes 14d ago Wholesome 12 Helpful 7 Silver 9 Uplifting 1

Be kind. Be compassionate. Be human.

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92.0k Upvotes

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u/[deleted] 14d ago edited 14d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/CompetitionNo1227 14d ago

My theater professor. A very close friend of mine committed suicide, and I had a midterm on the day of the funeral. The professor made me choose between staying in the class or going to the funeral. I chose the funeral, and dropped the class the next working day.

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u/SavvyOhSoCool 14d ago

oh my god i’m so sorry. i can’t even imagine. i hope you’re doing okay

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u/CompetitionNo1227 14d ago

I appreciate it!! This was January of 2021, so there’s been some personal healing and growth since that point. I ended up totally changing schools lmao.

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u/SavvyOhSoCool 14d ago

i’m glad to hear you’re doing better!!! that sounds rough

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u/O_Geeky_One 14d ago

I sincerely hope that professor required healing after a growth. 😁

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u/datameshlearning 14d ago

If it's not too raw, please make sure to message every single person you can in administration about this person. They are not fit to teach in any way.

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u/SometimesKnowsStuff_ 14d ago

I hope you’re doing amazing at the new school!

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u/disapointment_potato 14d ago

For THEATER. Wow someones on a lil power trip. Imagine expecting someone to skip their friend's funeral for theater class.

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u/broadwayzrose 14d ago

Although I enjoyed my theatre and music classes, and while I understand those type of classes rely more on group work and people being present, these classes had the strictest attendance policies of all of my 80+ classes I took in college. It was slightly ridiculous.

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u/Boomer-Mammaw 14d ago

I am one of 6...My father died of a massive heart attack in 1972; when I was 16. My oldest brother was on a ship off the shores of North Vietnam bombing villages; they picked him up by helicopter & flew him straight back on an honorable hardship discharge.We never realized that we buried Dad on my 2nd oldest brothers birthday until after the funeral when he completely broke down. 3 days later I go back to high school where the 5 of us are enrolled to have my teacher count those days as unexcused because my mother was too distraught to write a note. When she said it- the entire class went silent in disbelief.

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u/CompetitionNo1227 14d ago

I’m so sorry you had to go through that. Some professors are just heartless and very “I went through this so you have to too”, instead of breaking the cycle.

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u/ttn_art 14d ago

I cannot wrap my brain around how the professor expected that to go, what a power trip.

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u/Omgnoi 14d ago

All of my professors were worse than the first one when one of my close friends was murdered. One even told me I had to bring proof. I obviously didn’t and failed most of my courses. My other professors told me I needed to drop. My major was marketing, not even anything hard.

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u/O_Geeky_One 14d ago

Did you go talk to the Dean of students? There are positions above professors that sometimes keep those aholes in check.

I had an unpleasant situation with a prof, went to the dean made them aware. Prof was pissed but couldnt do anything including screwing with my grade..

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u/Elegant-Pen-6749 14d ago

my freshman spanish teacher told me take the three day weekend the following month to mourn the loss of my great grandma and process the shock and trauma from finding her dead body.

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u/Ac4sent 14d ago

That's horrible, and nonsensical. Sorry for your loss and hope you're doing better now.

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u/aremyhero 14d ago

The answer is prof #1 didn’t believe her that her mom died.

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u/LordBrentonTheFourth 14d ago

Who the fuck does #1??

Jaded professors who get at least one dead relative per class. My friend "killed" his grandmother three times in one semester during our freshman year because he was always procrastinating.

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u/Objective-Amount1379 14d ago

A death is the sort of thing I'd rather risk being lied to and showing compassion to someone who might be telling the truth than vice versa.

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u/Fop_Vndone 14d ago

Who the fuck does #1??

A professor who's had 14 student's patents "die" every semester and assumes everyone is lying

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u/euler_man2718 14d ago

As someone who's taught 200+ student Freshmen level college classes, this is the real answer.

Probably an average of 10-15 students who ask for extensions on every exam, plus even more for the homework.

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u/purplemonkey_123 14d ago

I always give a, "coupon," for a week extension on any assignment in the semester. It has saved MANY lives of parents and grandparents. "Somehow", the number of illnesses and deaths decreased sharply when I started doing this.

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u/rpaxa 14d ago

I had a few professors who mentioned they thought it strange so many grandparents died at the end of the term, so I assume some of them are jaded to it as an excuse since it got abused.

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u/peanutpeepz 14d ago

I had a situation like this with a TA. I showed up to class in tears because I'd heard the night before my grandma was in a coma (she died later that day). She kept trying to make me go home. Even though I ended up staying for the lesson, her compassion stuck with me.

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u/stacks144 14d ago

How do TAs happen and what is their role? How do they prepare?

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u/Chib 14d ago

TAs are usually just students themselves whom have already taken that class and run workgroups or grade assignments. Sometimes they're master's students or PhDs.

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u/Glittering_Emu3124 14d ago

I was in a year-long multiple semester class with the same professor each semester.

Fall semester, week of finals, my uncle dies. She is understandable and lets me take the final early so I can attend the services. No questions asked.

Spring semester, my other uncle dies...

Yeah, I had to provide her the online obituary through the local news and bring her back the memoriam handout from the funeral. She let me take it late.

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u/garyyo 14d ago

Given that this is a paid job by the university and in limited supply they are given to graduate students first. PhD students also get priority over masters students since they are generally expected to be funded by the school.

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u/Tsygan 14d ago

Hey, there. TA here. We are usually PhD students that assist professors with their research and teaching. Professors have to continue their research and publishing, along with their institutional commitments, in addition to teaching. If they have a larger course that requires study sessions that break the class into smaller groups, or if they have a commitment that takes them away from class, they will ask their TA to handle things.
We teach courses that we already know the material for, and are provided the topics and often an outline before we teach. In my case, I had to teach a large freshman-level course when the prof. I worked for was called away for the semester to our satellite school in the Middle East. I used the course outline to prepare lectures and activities, and used rubrics I developed for the prof's essay topics to grade essays fairly as they would have done. I was in contact with the professor regularly, and I had an assistant. (a UGSA - undergraduate student assistant) that could help with some of the repetitive work. I had office hours, and communicated with the students instead of the prof.
For the record, when the pandemic started, TAs from many universities discussed (in online groups) that the point of our work should be to help students get through their courses with as little stress and trauma as possible, given the situation, and that the the focus would not be on grades. I believe these colleagues would be saddened to see the response from prof. 1. I hope this explanation helps.

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u/KeyPractical 14d ago edited 14d ago

In my university, the teaching assistants are grad students who are required to TA as part of their degree/program or students who have taken the class and want extra income. Not sure if this is the case everywhere else though.

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u/heavenlyangle 14d ago

I was a workplace supervisor for lots of students on placement. A girl came in crying, her aunt was dying and wasn’t expected to last the day. I forced her to go home and said we’d sort it out later. She just made it to the hospital to see her aunt when she passed.

I then negotiated with her school to make sure her grades weren’t affected and she was given grief leave. All the other staff around me were confused as to how I knew “such personal info about the students”. Idk man… not hard to be human

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u/letsjakeonit 14d ago Helpful

My dad died when I was in college. It was sudden and unexpected and I had to perform CPR, so I was reeling from the trauma. Almost all my professors gave me lengthy extensions. Except one. He insisted that I still complete everything on time, including a paper and exam due just days after he died. I did them and I passed, but to this day, 22 years later, I’m not sure I’ve ever encountered anyone with so little compassion. I’ve never forgotten how shitty that felt.

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u/benwasframed 14d ago Helpful

I realize that it's many years too late for this to be useful to you, but hopefully anybody who sees this might benefit. If this kind of thing happens to you, it's absolutely your right to go over the professor's head. Any rational and empathetic person will understand that these are extenuating circumstances, and people need time to grieve, especially when the loss is of someone so close. And even if the professor is tenured, you can at least avoid any consequences from his power trip.

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u/well_its_a_secret 14d ago

Tenured professors still answer to a dean, and they answer to someone else as well. Social media would be your friend with this as well, no school wants that bad press

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u/otiose321 14d ago

In college, the day before an exam, I found out a high school friend was killed in a hit and run.

We weren't the closest, and hadn't really even kept in touch since we'd graduated but it really shook me. It was the first death of someone I knew personally that wasn't on the horizon.

I emailed my professor, explained, and got a 30 day extension. I didn't need to provide any evidence and I could have been outright lying.

My point is - any decent person knows that death doesn't put anyone in a functional mindset. If I was lying and slacking off, it's unlikely I'd suddenly break the habit over the next 30 days of my summer break.

There's no reason to not be decent in this way.

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u/TheNeuroLizard 14d ago

Yeah, in academia, and I've gotten extensions just for saying "Hey, this semester's kicking my ass and a lot of things happen to be due on the same day, can I push this back?" (at least in grad school). Makes zero sense to even want to see someone's work who's currently dealing with the chaos of funerals, not to mention grief. And there's no real justification along the lines of "it makes it unfair to other students," because anyone should get the same consideration under those circumstances.

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u/nothingnamename 14d ago

So, these are all nice ideals, but as a current college level administrative person, I can tell you that

A) professors answer to a Chair who answers to a Dean. Chairs have absolutely no power to tell a professor how to run their classrooms.

B) many colleges/universities, professors are given academic freedom to run their classrooms as the please so long as it’s within law and college policies

C) more often than not the recourse for something like this would be a board review when they’re up for contract renewal, unless they’re tenured, then too bad. Student evaluations are part of the review process, but weighed against many other things as well. Like it or not, professors are given the right to be a dick.

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u/iDEN1ED 14d ago

The professors answer to the chair but the chair has no power? Seems like they don’t really answer to the chair then

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u/nothingnamename 14d ago

Bingo. The chair is a glorified position that moves paperwork up and down. Paid pretty poorly for it too.

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u/Fuzzy_Dragonfruit344 14d ago edited 14d ago

Couldn’t a dean have the power to override the chair’s ability (or lack- thereof) to influence a professor’s conduct? Surely that has to be part of their job, otherwise what’s the point in having a dean at all?

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u/[deleted] 14d ago

[deleted]

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u/happygobeepbeep 14d ago

Exactly. I'm not sure what part of admin this person is in, but they're just wrong. Even the superstar professors answer to admin when they're doing shit that could make the school look bad. The numerous news articles about profs being suspended or fired for dumb tweets should be plenty evidence for that. They are far, far from all-powerful: they are just grunt workers. The problem is that students don't complain to anyone who can do something or try to fight them.

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u/DrLLAmos 14d ago

The Ombudsman

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u/2020HatesUsAll 14d ago

Am a chair. This one person’s experience shouldn’t be generalized. Go to the chair first.

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u/flaskfish 13d ago

Yeah, I guess every college is different but still, that just seems... incorrect lmao. Throughout undergrad I remember a few instances where my peers went as a group or even as individuals to the Dean about absolute horseshit professor policies and were able to get them overturned, even with tenured professors. This was especially the case during/after the COVID peak era where the university was more understanding of student mental health

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u/WodehouseWeatherwax 14d ago

It's done under the guise of "academic freedom". My husband was chair of his dept and had to attempt to deal with some assholes. He seriously regretted recommending one for tenture. The prof was a rabid card-carrying member of one political party and taught a sociology class. He only taught his ideology and there was nothing that could be done about it. He just refused. So, the students didn't get a full class they paid for. They got attempted indoctrination.

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u/KidFromDudley 14d ago

It's not that simple, it can be taken up all the way up to the chancellor of the university if needed. If the person in this context was the slightest bit spiteful enough to take their story to the news or social media, the strings would move to get things done.

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u/somuchyarn10 14d ago

That's why Rate My Professor is a thing.

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u/nothingnamename 14d ago

Honestly not a bad tool. Still unfortunate when you need to take a required course that’s only taught by that one asshole. At least you know what you’re in for when you register.

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u/Iggyhopper 14d ago

Still a net benefit. If you are in a similar uncontrollable situation, you know to complete the asshole's assignment on time and ask for leniency from the others.

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u/guitargodsvw 14d ago

It is really helpful to know in advance. Still there are also misleading comments.

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u/Dibs_on_Mario 14d ago

The teachers who won't give an extension to a student for a traumatic death of an immediate family member aren't the ones who give a single shit about Rate My Professor

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u/camcamkennedy 14d ago

What are you talking about? Academic institutions 100% have specific policies for students to escalate issues, get re-graded, etc.

Sure, the prof won't be fired, but that doesn't mean the student would be forced to finish the paper.

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u/Plazmatic 14d ago

You might just work in a shitty university, and I'm sorry for that, but the universities I've been to have always been able to accommodate me in these situations, even just talking to the chair, or even your academic advisor. It's not about just "telling professors what to do" it's also... doing other things for you to get you out of that situation.

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u/VenusSmurf 14d ago

Professor here. This is probably common but isn't at all universal.

A.) If there's a conflict with my chair, I can go to the dean. Outside of that, my chair absolutely can tell me what to do, and if I do go above the chair's head, it'd better be important...and this even though my dean is a personal friend of many years.

B.) Yes. As long as I don't do anything stupid, and as long as I meet requirements for the course, I can teach what and as I see fit. This means that while I can be awful, I also have the freedom to be kind.

C.). At my university, student evaluations mean exactly nothing unless, again, I do something stupid (blatant harassment, racism, and the like).

That said, while there are a handful of awful people who wouldn't have any compassion for someone grieving, that's far from the norm. I've had students lose parents, get cancer, get divorced. Life happens, and life is sometimes hard and ugly. Most professors get that.

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u/sir_ramen 14d ago

so long as it’s within law and college policies

Hence bereavement policies...

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u/JanisVanish 14d ago

It wasn't a death in the family, but rather a severe car accident that left me hospitalized and needing surgery when I was in nursing school. Luckily, on the days that this happened I only ended up missing one class. This was my last semester and up until that point I had perfect attendance. Well the professor made me write a 5 page paper to make up for the absence. I thought this was really extreme & since it was the end of the semester I had to squeeze this in while studying for finals & everything else & recover from a pretty big surgery. So I emailed the chair to say this was an undue burden when everything else is put into consideration. The chair said what you said, that a professor can run the class anyway they please.

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u/General_Beauregard 14d ago

The Chair might not have formal “power” over the professor, but an email from the Chair could still go a long way to change the Professor’s mind.

Neither the Chair nor the Professor want to get a call from the Provost’s office for being a heartless ass to a grieving student.

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u/MrMoose_69 14d ago

I went to the Dean once when a journalism professor tricked me into adding her class because she needed people to fill it up or it would be canceled. she told me I could just take photos whenever I could and she didn’t give me a syllabus. Said there was no grade. But then I got an F.

The dean took the class off my transcript because she had never given me a syllabus.

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u/lol_AwkwardSilence_ 14d ago

I'm sure many colleges have bereavement policies.

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u/aacc11885566 14d ago

Would really hope they do. Even in the working world, the majority of companies give compassionate/ bereavement leave.

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u/Spanky4242 14d ago

My dad died last year while I was in college. Most of my professors were very understanding, but one of them refused to give me any extentions and went on a long rant about how I would "never make in a capitalist society" and that he was "deeply disappointed [in me] for asking for special treatment." The rant was several paragraphs long.

I reported him to the department head and he immediately deleted the comments. I was absolutely blown away by how deeply unempathetic it was. He could have just said "No," but instead he got up on a soapbox about it.

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u/letsjakeonit 14d ago

I’m so sorry. That’s awful.

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u/Manannin 14d ago

Where did he message you that he had the option to delete your comments, was it some public board?

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u/Spanky4242 14d ago

No, it was in the comments of an online assignment posting. I had originally asked via email, but when he hadn't responded for a week I decided to mention it again in the comments of that assignment submission to direct his attention to it (in case it had slipped his mind).

Like I indicated, this time he actually responded. It started with "Yes, I unfortunately had seen the email you sent. I was hoping you wouldn't bring it up again, because it shows weakness in your character..." and then he launched into the rant. I took great personal offense to the fact he called my character weak in particular. I didn't respond for 2 days, assuming I could just drop it and move on. He then messaged me 2 days later and said "did you see the comment on your assignment?"

That's when I decided to take it to the department head.

The department head was floored when I told him about it, because he was good friends with the professor and was incredulous over the whole thing. I managed to get a copy of it, so I had proof. I still strongly dislike that professor.

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u/Manannin 14d ago

Still didn't do anything about the shitty professor though, even if he was surprised.

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u/Spanky4242 14d ago

To be fair, I asked him not to. I knew if a formal complaint were to be lodged then the professor would know I reported him since it was a private conversation. I asked that it be filed and cataloged so that if another student ever reported him for another issue then there would be evidence of this, too.

Well, to be more accurate, I originally intended to re-press the issue after the semester was concluded.

However, by the end of the semester (2-3 weeks later) he had deleted the comment and gave me a 1 hour extension on the final exam. Without the extension I would have gotten a D in the class instead of the A that I got. I opted not to push the complaint at that point. Not because I forgave him in any capacity, but he could have totally fucked me over and chose not to. In turn, fucking him over just didn't sit right with me, so I confirmed with the department head that I just wanted it cataloged with no further action.

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u/Paramisamigos 14d ago

I was a freshman in college when I watched my 21 y/o brother pass. My parents had been divorced for over a decade and still couldn't be in the same room so I spent much of my time planning his funeral and arguing each parent's side of the case. It was traumatic, pretty much ruined Christmas forever, and my parent's bickering instead of being there for me just fucked me up.

I went back to school after Christmas break and just broke down crying and told my RA everything and that I just wanted my parents but one was out of the country and the other took his other family to Disney world and excluded me because I needed to go to math class, apparently my dad thought I was really fucking stupid. In reality it was my stepmom's fault I didn't get to go.

Anywho, the RA reached out to the dean who reached out to the president and they offered full compensation for the semester that had already started and some way they would be able to remove me from the classes without having it on my transcripts that I dropped the classes. They went above and beyond to work with me and offer me help when my own parents weren't. I know this isn't like your experience but I just wanted to share mine because it's almost been 20 years and they really kept me going that semester. I did develop a huge drinking problem but oh well, that's college.

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u/letsjakeonit 14d ago

Honestly so happy you had some good humans in your life through that hard time! Thank you for sharing.

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u/lillyrose2489 14d ago

That's cruel and especially stupid considering that in the workforce, you would get time off when a parent dies at most jobs. Especially the sort of jobs you get with a degree. Why have higher standards for students than for professionals?

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u/evemeatay 14d ago

They also have it wrong if they think they should treat student's like workers. In the American College system, students are actually customers who pay for the classes they attend.

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u/JennysLittleSecret 14d ago

Judging based on how I see adults and teachers talk:

There's this paranoia about people trying to game the system. An inherent distrust that permeates certain cultures.

EDIT: while typing this I also realize that this explains a bunch of right-wing policies

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u/verlociraptor 14d ago

I had a series of losses and needed to take pretty much back-to-back bereavement leave plus vacation time, and my job questioned it all and made me provide obituaries etc to prove I wasn't faking it. I gave them the program from my grandpa's funeral.

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u/DiscoEthereum 14d ago

It's called projection. They themselves would abuse the system and so they project that onto everyone else as well, assuming the worst because it's what they would do.

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u/woodsprite60 14d ago edited 14d ago

This! Projection indeed! I had requested approval to travel out of state for a national conference in my specific area of responsibility. Clearly a no frills conference in a small university town. Packed agenda directly applicable to my job. Offered to stay an extra day on my own dime, using my own vacation time and fly home on a weekend. Would have saved the agency about $400 in air fare (a big deal in 1990.) My boss thought it was a great plan, cost effective and approved it. But when she took it to the agency director for his approval? He accused me of wanting to take a vacation at the agency’s expense! Say WHAT!?! This from a guy who went, with his golf clubs and his golf buddy the assistant director, to a week long conference EVERY YEAR. Always in posh resort locations (Miami, Las Vegas, Hawaii). Steak dinners, open bar cocktail receptions, golf outings, lots of fluff in the agenda…all on the agency dime. What a slime ball. He was a real piece of work.

My boss went to bat for me, I got to go to Burlington VT (in August) for 2-1/2 days. Flew home on a Thursday. I’ve never forgotten that experience.

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u/kintsugiwarrior 14d ago

Most likely he was a psychopath or a narcissist

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u/letsjakeonit 14d ago

He was a complete narcissist and thought his shitty class was the greatest thing on earth

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u/trwwy321 14d ago

What course/subject was it?

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u/letsjakeonit 14d ago

It was an English course. Some literature something or other.

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u/PM_ME_UR_RSA_KEY 14d ago

/u/RascalCreeper's answer above called it lol.

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u/redcalcium 14d ago

Motherfucker I thought it was quantum physics or some super hard course. People tend to give some slack for shitty behavior if the professor is a top researcher in their field, but English course? Was the professor a top poet or something? More likely just an average jerk.

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u/letsjakeonit 14d ago

Just a jerk

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u/RascalCreeper 14d ago

I'll guess, English. All my worst teachers are English teachers.

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u/le_grey02 14d ago

That’s so sad for me to hear, all my best teachers were my English teachers 🥺 shitty teachers suck.

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u/jeobleo 14d ago

I have loved English teachers both as a student and as a colleague.

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u/le_grey02 14d ago

My English teachers were the kindest, most open-minded people I’ve ever met. One of them in particular took me under her wing and listened to me like I was an equal, even though I was a kid. She became the mother I never had.

I still speak to her from time to time. I wouldn’t be where I am without her.

It’s just sad that so many kids didn’t have the same experience with any of their teachers.

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u/RascalCreeper 14d ago

Ya, I've had a couple bad history teachers and 1 bad science and math teacher each, but all of my worst, most rotten teachers have been English. I've had some mediocre ones and one good one for English but in general my first thought is English when you say terrible teacher.

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u/le_grey02 14d ago edited 14d ago

I’m sorry for all your shit experiences. Teachers often have such a big impact in our lives.

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u/UnseenTardigrade 14d ago

The guy replied in another comment. You were right… it was English

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u/waterynike 14d ago

Hope you reported him.

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u/letsjakeonit 14d ago

I didn’t. I regret that

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u/DukesEYEball 14d ago

Sheez, that's horrible. Sorry you lost your dad, I lost mine in 2013 I miss him every day.

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u/JukieOO 14d ago

My father died unexpectedly in 1987. I don’t remember much detail from this terrible time. I do remember the UW electrical engineering professor telling me there would not be any accommodation because he didn’t die in the last two weeks of the quarter. Missed it by a couple days. Costs so little to be compassionate.

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u/Atlas7674 14d ago

I applaud you for not decking him on the spot.

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u/_furthesthing_ 14d ago

if he’s still a professor I’d love to bombard him with horrible reviews

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u/letsjakeonit 14d ago

I can’t even remember his name anymore. That was 22 years ago

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u/L0LINAD 14d ago

What course was it?

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u/letsjakeonit 14d ago

It was a literature class

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u/Letssacraficetoby 14d ago

Good for you for passing and persevering though that rough time. As much of a pos that professor was you proved how strong you are.

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u/ZanyDragons 14d ago Helpful

I remember … not a situation exactly like that but I essentially had some kind of breakdown. I was dealing with undiagnosed and untreated chronic pain, couldn’t sleep, my brother was in the hospital, my boyfriend broke up with me and got evicted and then threatened self harm over it… a bad week. On top of that chronic pain going on 6 months lmao.

So as you do I thought my chest pain, dizziness, and disorientation meant I was dying. Urgent care diagnosed me with having one hell of a nasty panic attack and gave me a doctors note for the afternoon. I stumbled back to campus and to my professor’s office to explain why I wasn’t there in class. I was wearing pjs with a throw blanket from the couch—I couldn’t remember why I wasn’t dressed honestly there was a lot going on.

He grabbed my advisor, who got me a cup of water because I looked like a mess and I apologized for missing lecture and explained a little. He sat back and said “your homework this week is a quiz, right? Don’t worry about that, I’ll suspend it for you. Here’s your new homework: go home, eat a proper meal, take a walk for 20 minutes, and get 8 hours of sleep today. If you feel like coming to class tomorrow for some normalcy you don’t have to take notes, I won’t call on you. If you don’t, just send me an email so I know you’re okay.”

I got back on track mentally after two days focusing purely on my physical health and caught up. But I needed to pump the breaks right then until that crisis resolved. I still think about that conversation a lot. And sometimes when I feel my absolute worst I still remember “all I want you to do for the rest of today is go home, eat a proper meal, walk for twenty minutes, and get a full night’s sleep.”

And damn if it doesn’t help make things at least more manageable by the next morning like 8/10 times. Incredible advice and I’m still moved by the willingness to accommodate that weird ass time years later.

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u/mlewis388 14d ago

Thank you for sharing this. I’m really struggling with multiple large things right now and I’m going try to this advice to see if it helps me get back on track.

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u/sxlangel_ 14d ago

hi there, i hope time goes well for you and this advice is golden!! i also started doing this and it helps a lot, stay strong and let time pass 💕

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u/ghost501 14d ago

Whoever gave you that advice has walked the walk. I figured out a few years ago that your physical health is like a 3 legged stool. You need sleep, water and nutrition. Any of those get screwed up, you're in for a bad time. You have to get the energy and nutrients you need to start dealing with the mental health stuff.

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u/Longjumping-Tart8816 14d ago edited 13d ago

Told my professor my dad was in hospice and that I would need an extension on the final project so I could spend time with him. No extensions were given. Her response… I hope he gets better soon!

… people don’t get better in hospice….

Edit: he died of Alzheimer’s , even if she didn’t know what hospice is surely she knew Alzheimer’s is a fatal disease.

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u/Chapstickgirl_ 14d ago

Ouch I’m so sorry you had to hear that. She clearly either didn’t care or just didn’t know what hospice was. Hope your doing better now.

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u/D12cat 14d ago

A lot of people don't know what hospice is

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u/DJ_Ayres 14d ago

I don’t know what her experience with hospice is thought when I worked in assisted living people could stay in hospice for sometimes months or even years. Of course a lot of others go quickly. This is a horrible thing to say to someone though.

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u/britbmw 14d ago

Some people are awkward and don’t know how to respond to things like that (example: me)

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u/DenkJu 14d ago

In this case, it would have been as easy as giving them an extension.

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u/Consistent_Nail 14d ago

I feel like this is beyond awkward.

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u/Snow_Wonder 14d ago

Jeez. :( At least this probably came from a misunderstanding of what hospice is?

Maybe if you had said “my dad is dying and I need an extension because I’ve little time left with him and the project can wait, this can’t.”

It’s ridiculous that you’d need to spell it out, though. Especially to a professor.

And from my own experience losing my father in high school, even if she had understood, I can say there’s a good chance she might not have cared. I had a teacher go as far as deciding to actively bully me when my dad died.

I hope you are doing better now.

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u/Mini_diplodocus 14d ago

When my mother was dying in a hospice, my bosses boss had to approve time off for me to go and say goodbye. She told me she thought she would pull through covid. SHE WAS A BLOODY NURSE. Cue shocked Pikachu face when I messaged her on a Saturday saying I would need time off after my mum had died.

My actual boss, the best human on the planet. Let me take as much leave as I needed and brought the bits I needed from the office to work from home when I needed to (my choice as I was isolating with Rona and couldn't go to her house to start sorting stuff out, she was not impressed by my decision to work those 2 days, but respected it).

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u/Calladit 14d ago

I asked a professor if I could take an online test (for an online course) at a later date as it was scheduled for 2am before I attended my grandfather's funeral (different time zone). Emailed her 2 weeks, a week, 3 days, the day before, and the day of the test and didn't get any replies. In the end, I had to take the exam in the hotel lobby, at 2am the morning of my grandfather's funeral. Still haven't gotten a reply to any of those emails.

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u/Okpersonye 14d ago

I feel like this one just shows that the professor doesnt really check emails in general. It will always leave in question what they would have done if they had read the email or if you had talked to them in person. Personally those who have responded and still cared little seem to be worse since we dont know how this professor could have reacted.

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u/Theorlain 14d ago edited 12d ago

My dad is currently dying. Like, I’m listening to him “sleep” right now as I try to get some sleep, but he’s not going to wake up from this, just slip away as his body gives up. He’s 61.

I’ve been at my job for a month and a half. They barely know me. They told me family always comes first, and I am so touched by their compassion. I hope I can do right by them if I ever get through this.

Edit: I am so touched by everyone’s kindness. I wish you all could have known him. He could make friends with anyone and has such a big heart.

2nd Edit: He found peace this morning (9/24) surrounded by love.

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u/lightningboltsrcool 14d ago

That sounds awful. Sorry you have to experience this. All the best <3

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u/theywillcome123 14d ago

I lost my dad almost a year ago. He was 62. Shit's rough. Really rough. It does get better over time, but it takes a bit. Be patient and kind with yourself mostly.

But if you need to talk to anyone who's been through it too--please, please don't hesitate to reach out to me. There's a awful bond I've noticed with my friends who'd lost dads too, but honestly it helps a lot just to have someone to talk to who understands.

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u/EvinisiaScrouge 14d ago

I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. I lost my father a few years ago at 18 when he was 65 and it was devastating. We spent a week straight in the hospice and I remember trying to sleep while knowing he would never wake up. It was horrible.

If you can, I’d look into grief counseling. I don’t know the time frame for your father, but a lot of councilors would be happy to speak with you even before the death itself. I did the majority of my grieving in the months leading up to his death, and it really helped me.

What ever happens, I hope that you are able to find peace soon and that you have others to lean on.

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u/cristobal619 14d ago

much love

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u/Embarrassed_Proof_42 14d ago

Sending you many heartfelt blessings and peace

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u/Klor204 14d ago

My aunt died and I got an extension on my report due. My then close friend said "you're so lucky".

Nah, I'd prefer my aunt to be alive than a week's extension

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u/CollarPersonal3314 14d ago

It's more of a "you're so lucky the profs cared and gave you an extension"

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u/Adorable_Cheeto 14d ago

Absolutely, just a weird way of wording things

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u/vuuvvo 14d ago

Is it normal to have to ask every specific professor for an extension?

Every uni I've been to in the UK has had a specific extensions office that you contact and who apply them universally.

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u/already_taken-chan 14d ago

I think they were trying to cheer you up, bad attempt tho

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u/hookahshikari 14d ago

Nah I think it was more like them thinking about not getting an extension, saying “you’re so lucky,” THEN realizing “shit I shouldn’t say that to someone who just lost family”

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u/chocochipcookie99 14d ago

When I lost my only sibling in school, it was during placements. Placement #1 I missed 3/30 days and they made me make up all three at a later date. Placement 2 I showed up on the first day, directly told me supervisor through the tears, and she told me go straight home and I would only work from 6am-2pm each day and not have to come in on any weekends. That really made the difference to me. (which sounds like a normal eight hour day/ work week for non healthcare people but the expectation on that rotation was to stay until 6pm on normal days, 11pm once a week, and to come in 6am-11pm on a weekend).

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u/affanahmed1202 14d ago

Wow I knew working in healthcare was stressful, the working hours sound brutal !

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u/rcr_renny 14d ago edited 14d ago

I work in tech. I discovered my mother dead. I was given 3 days off then I had to return to the SrLT summit. I left the company within a year.

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u/Previous_Hotel_1058 14d ago

TW death, blood

My uncle found his mom in the bathroom after she fell in the middle of the night and bled out. His company gave him 1 day off (a Friday) and expected him back in the office 9am on Monday—some tech companies can be so brutal and selfish, it’s extremely unfair—I’m so sorry for your loss 💕

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u/cheese_nugget21 14d ago

Oh god that’s such an awful way to die and a traumatic sight to see with it being your own mother dead. I hope he’s doing better now (and I hope you are too)

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u/River-Dreams 14d ago edited 10d ago

I was given 3 days off then I had to return to the SrLT summit.

Horrible. Too many people are so unbalanced, worshipping efficiency within a very narrow conception of what life is.

And how certain that sort is that theirs is the smarter way to live!

I'm glad you left. I hope the next place you worked wasn't led by fools. My sincerest condolences about your mom.

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u/tealstarfish 14d ago

I'm glad to hear you left. I work in tech too, and I lost my son. My managers have gone above and beyond encouraging me to take time off, removing me from on call duties, fielding communication of what happened with the rest of the team so I wouldn't have to break the news over and over again. I hope you're at a company that is like that now.

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u/Lorft 14d ago

I learned kinda early on in college that the department heads are a lot more accommodating than professors. I essentially dropped out for a semester (not formally though) and my grades tanked. I was able to undo the harm after explaining my situation to the department heads of all the classes I was taking.

I assume it's at most universities, but what I ended up doing was called a retroactive medical withdrawal. If you had to withdraw due to a personal or family medical emergency, you can withdraw even after the semester ended.

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u/Cute_Substance2137 14d ago

Damn. School steals your money and won’t let you mourn you mom’s death.

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u/zeppair93 14d ago

My mom passed away in the final weeks of my last year of high school. I had an A in my Spanish class, and had only once ever gotten below a B in any class in my life.

My moms funeral was on the day of the “oral exam” for my Spanish class, which was 20% of my overall grade. I told my Spanish teacher and he said the make up day was some specific date and time after school had let out, where some teachers would be in the building giving make up exams. I showed up and he wasn’t there. He gave me a C in the class.

I’ve never forgotten it. I couldn’t even be upset about the grade because I knew it wasn’t my fault, and I had already gotten into college, but it was such an intense feeling of being wronged by another human. I never ever want to make someone feel that way.

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u/Staggeringpage8 14d ago

I had 4 close relatives die while I was in college and my house burn down. Out of all those disasters two professors stand out and one instamce with the school while they employed me.

  1. When my house burned down I emailed my professor and he said so long as I get him proof I can make up my exam. Which fair since it's an exam but like who the fuck lies about that.

    1. My grandma's both passed within two months of each other I emailed a professor after not turning shit in for almost an entire month. After explaining the situation and how I just couldn't focus at all he gave me the best advice anyone could ever have given me. He told me that he'd give me an extension but that I should really take a break from school and come back once I was in a better headspace. Best thing someone has ever told me especially since because these were all spaced out to basically have happened every year of my college life I was barely passing any of my classes.

And 3. My aunt who had cancer was put into hospice and given a week to live while I was working as an RA over winter break for the three,THREE! Sophomores and juniors who were living in my building at the time. I was one of the three. When I found out about this I contacted housing I said "my aunt is going to be dead in a week I need to go home do you have anyone who can cover me." Instead of them saying "yeah sure we'll reach out to some of the other RAs or get someone from the school to cover your shift" they said " we cannot cover you, but you might be able to reach out to this person and they may be able to help you out, but otherwise you'll have to stay." Thankfully the guy was able to cover me but at the same time the actual people running the show could have easily helped me out and instead chose to make it difficult/not give a fuck if I couldn't find a replacement. And I wasn't doing jack shit either I was just there so that if anything happened the university could cover their asses.

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u/BananaEclipse 14d ago

I had an uncle die of cancer recently, unexpected and quick too. (I’m not in college though and we weren’t that close and I wouldn’t of been able to visit anyway cuz we didn’t know it was cancer till he was dead)

For the prof that wanted proof of your house burning down, sadly it does make sense, you gotta understand the weird shit some students make up to be able to get extensions. The prof showed empathy, they just wanted to make sure that you weren’t lying like a surprising amount of students probably have in the past.

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u/WhoriaEstafan 14d ago

Yeah my mum was a professor - retired now - and she would give them extensions, take it on face value. Because who lies about a death?

But then get the admin people to follow up asking for a bereavement notice from the paper, a death certificate or the booklet from the service in a few weeks time. They’d already have had the extension but it was to show it does get checked out.

So many lied. But a lot of them were far from home in a country they didn’t speak English too well, they’ve just been enrolled at uni, parents bought them a fancy car, paid their rent and left them to it.
So if they needed an extra two weeks, fine. They usually handed it in and clearly did the work. The ones who tried it again usually dropped out by the end of the year - they didn’t want to learn shit.

Cheating during the exam, now that was a big one. Rustling in the toilet because they’re pulling out bits of paper from their undies. Lol.

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u/Scissorhandzz 14d ago

I had to put my 12 year old husky down on Sunday, I realize it’s a dog and not a human but I’m still very devastated by the loss regardless. My microbiology professor this semester was very compassionate and offered to meet me (this coming Sunday) to take my exam. I haven’t been able to sit and focus to study or even open my laptop. I barely returned to work full time today. I withdrew from the class and thanked her for the empathy. I’m past the last day to withdraw and get a refund but it’s better to have a W than a low grade for me. Sometimes your mental health has to take the front seat and life happens to everyone. Even if it pushes your timeline back a bit. Nothing is worth not having those last moments with someone that’s dying.

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u/soberyogini 14d ago

Prof #1 mom is still alive.

Prof #2 mom has passed.

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u/AangAndTheFireLord 14d ago

My mom is still alive and I’d give them the entire semester to get the work submitted. Decent people have both sympathy and empathy.

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u/throwawayNSQHelp 14d ago

And, on the flipside, unfortunately there are people who have gone through loss and still have no sympathy or empathy. They’re the kind of people who pull the “My XYZ died, too, but I pulled it together so why can’t you?” bullcrap. It’s really frustrating when you meet these people because nothing you say will work.

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u/Sufficient_Point3713 14d ago

In those cases I'd think the responsibility for their actions really falls on their parents or guardians. There are good parents out there who love and respect their children and have a strong and healthy relationship with them. And then there are parents who think children are supposed to be toys or access to welfare checks and never learned to raise them and show them what sympathy or empathy is. If someone says "My XYZ died, too, but so what?", most of the time that's entirely the result of XYZ failing to act like a proper parental figure.

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u/throwawayNSQHelp 14d ago edited 14d ago

Oh I totally agree that there are some parents out there who earned that.

I’m talking more about people who literally lack empathy, and/or aren’t coping healthily (but fail to recognize it.) The kind where they’re hurting on the inside, but they bury it and expect everyone else to “buck up” and get through it. The kind of people who are like “I was beaten as a child but I came out okay” or “I have depression, but you don’t see me whining.” Those kind of people.

They’re so hard to reason with because, sometimes, in order to have empathy for others, you have to have empathy for yourself first. These people refuse to allow themselves to grieve healthily, and expect everyone else to do the same.

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u/Batbuckleyourpants 14d ago

Professor 1 will show up in 10 years and retell it as a story where he or she learned what really mattered after talking to that student.

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u/Spacemanspalds 14d ago

I halfway have a hard time believing that prof#1 did that.

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u/uhhalivia 14d ago

2 years ago during the lockdown, my mother passed away on the morning of my final exam (online). So my friend call the teacher (of that exam's subject) asking if anything could be arranged. The prof told her he can't do anything. And we should contact the principal. When she asked if any way we could contact him on such short 2-hour notice he said call the office or email him and I should be the one to call the principal's office and not her.

So my friend called the other prof and he said we do not need to worry he would take care of it. He informed the principal himself and help me reschedule that exam and the also the next day's exam.

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u/Adhesiveness_Healthy 14d ago

unfortunately I think desperate college kids lie about things when they think it will help… prof probably seen it multiple times which is sad but it usually works ig :(

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u/JitteryJesterJoe 14d ago

When my dad passed away the weekend before finals, the administration (don't remember which section) emailed my teachers to make sure they knew I was telling the truth. Not that I think my teachers would have been that heartless, but it was appreciated

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u/Plus-Warning-8121 14d ago

Happened to my friend but not me. The college wanted an obituary (or whatever the paper is during the beginning of the funeral)as proof

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u/Dogplantmom97 14d ago

I had some of those professors - they weren’t very nice

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u/idiotdroid 14d ago

The fact that he gave an extra 12 hours makes me think he just does that for any excuse.

Like its probably not worth risking calling a student a liar and it turns out they were telling the truth. And its probably too much effort to figure out who is lying and who is telling the truth. So he just came up with a specific time extension for anyone who asks with any excuse.

Or he could be a cold heartless monster, idk. But one tweet doesn't really tell me much about either.

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u/ThunderIslander 14d ago

When I was in college my Religion professor told us if we needed to miss class due to a death we had to produce a death certificate or obituary for the absences not to be held against us. Thought that was pretty heartless at that time but unfortunately now I get it.

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u/[deleted] 14d ago edited 11d ago Helpful

[deleted]

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u/Rivka333 14d ago

My own philosophy, like with the two I suspected were lying, is to err on the side of taking their word.

Exactly. I teach at a university, (don't like to call myself a professor since I'm still a grad student), but I'd rather risk giving extra time to a student who's lying than being cruel to one who isn't.

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u/Mistress_Of_Mischeif 14d ago

I had a friend during my freshman year in college whose best friend for over a decade suddenly passed away in a car crash. It was fucking awful.

Most of her professors were really good about it, but she ended up having to drop a class bc that prof wouldn't give her any leniency when she wanted to attend the funeral across the state.

Needless to say, there are absolutely asshole professors like that.

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u/JennysLittleSecret 14d ago

I don't because I've seen high school teachers show less compassion.

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u/LovecraftianQualtoth 14d ago

When I was being badly bullied and asked my teacher if I could go to the office for the lesson after a particularly bad encounter because my head wasn’t in the game today she screamed at me about how she doesn’t want to work but still has to so I still have to do class and I ended up crying the whole lesson which was embarrassing since my bully was in that class. Next to me.

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u/JennysLittleSecret 14d ago

Normally I say this in response to bathroom policies in American school but I think this applies here

More students need to pee on teachers.

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u/Silverjackal_ 14d ago

I’ve definitely had a prof like #1. He even made a big deal saying he still submitted his work on time when his mom was on her death bed, so in such a case he would expect us to be like him. Dude was whack

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u/Elegant-Pen-6749 14d ago

when i was a freshman in high school, my great grandma died at home and I had found her body, so traumatized 14 year old me asked my only teacher if i could have a couple weeks off to mourn her death and process the shock that was finding a dead body. She said i had a 3 day weekend the next month I could take to mourn. That woman is no longer a teacher.

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u/BananaEclipse 14d ago

She said to a 14yo that found a dead body, “in a month, you’ll have 3 days”

WHAT KIND OF PSYCHOPATH IS SHE

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u/FashBug 14d ago

I was in a year-long multiple semester class with the same professor each semester.
Fall semester, week of finals, my uncle dies. She is understandable and lets me take the final early so I can attend the services. No questions asked.
Spring semester, my other uncle dies...
Yeah, I had to provide her the online obituary through the local news and bring her back the memoriam handout from the funeral. She let me take it late.

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u/7Moisturefarmer 14d ago edited 14d ago

I took a letter grade reduction for going to the funeral of my fraternity brother - 8 + hour drive from New Orleans to Miami to see him buried in the early ‘90’s.

AIDS from blood transfusion - he had hemophilia.

They didn’t care.

Too many classes missed. Early ‘90’s

I’m very strait. What happens to gay people in this country is very wrong

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u/peterAqd 14d ago

Regardless of everything, I'm sorry you went through that man, hope you've come to peace with it all.

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u/JS_Cinema 14d ago

I have a friend that use to teach college level classes. He said he always wanted to be like professor #2 but we'd never believe the amount of sob stories he heard on a weekly basis. Everyone's dog ate their homework, mom passed away, and then their grandmother the next week. He said it was absolutely stupid.

His solution was to have a policy where you could submit up to three assignments up to 24 hours late no questions asked otherwise there was absolutely no excuse or extensions, period.

Claimed never to have a problem since and got amazing feedback.

He since became a highschool teacher for reasons.

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u/cruznick06 14d ago

I was one of those "crazy" cases that turned out to be entirely true.

My grandfather had a stroke which I caught (he survived), and then for the next five weeks someone I knew died every goddamned week. I honestly don't remember much of those two months because I just shut down entirely at some point.

One of the professors I had refused to believe me until another one in the same department chewed him out. Prof 2 knew one of the deceased and had seen me at the funeral.

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u/makzee 14d ago

Most schools have a bereavement policy. Students may not know about it. Remember to ask your registrar and read the fine print.

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u/HannahOCross 14d ago

Asking for favorite memories of a lost loved on is one of the best ways to respond to hearing someone has died. People really want/need to talk about the good things.

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u/1fineapple 14d ago

My mom is a professor, and she definitely gets a lot of “my grandparent passed and I need an extension”, but I think it’s just a more common thing that happens. Basically you can only use that excuse twice in one semester. However, I’ve never heard her complain that any students were trying to use the excuse that a parent died. That would be some really bad karma you’re creating. Who would lie about something like that? In conclusion, professor #1 sucks.

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u/nsr9322 14d ago

You can say your grandparent died 4 times per class, technically

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u/Call_Me_Clark 14d ago

When they drop with alarming regularity, it’s time to be suspicious…

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u/Xenonimoose 14d ago

Or afraid, afraid is a good response to such a tornado of death

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u/WhoriaEstafan 14d ago

My mum is exactly the same. Plus uni studies are at that age that grandparents die; student the youngest in their family at 18, parents late 40s early 50’s, grandparents around 75-80 - it’s realistic.

International students definitely used to lie but she felt if they really need two weeks that they come see the professor - then they really need two weeks. Let them have it (and also didn’t want to risk it being true.)

I agree on the karma! I just couldn’t.

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u/StartledOcto 14d ago

I failed an 80% coursework module this year, because it was due on the day of my granddad's funeral and they gave me a week's extra time - which seems generous compared to the above but this was some 3d modelling shit, I was not in any frame of mind to do it leading up to the day and whilst I was with my family in the week after I couldn't really do it of course. In the resit? 75%.

Students are people too, give us a break

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u/jabels 14d ago

I’m an instructor and have always been very lenient with things like this (maybe especially because I still remember the times when I was a student and shit happened) but just for the information of people in this thread, there is often something you can do called a retroactive withdrawal. You may have to escalate to the dean but basically they’re happy to keep your money but make it look like otherwise you didn’t take the course. If you have experienced profound tragedy or other circumstances that have made you legitimately unable to complete your work this may be an option. Hope this helps someone.

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u/NerdOfHeart 14d ago

Having worked with students in a university…. there are plenty of students who say “X person in my life passed away. Can I get a (blank) on this assignment/project?”

Being a TA or professor in that situation, we can’t ask for proof (since we would sound like a jerk) so we must assume it’s true (or not). It’s awful when this genuinely happens to someone, but there are people who abuse this excuse.

We of course want our student to be successful and safe, but there is only so much we can do in terms of extensions and exemptions before it starts doing more harm than good (for that students benefit). Most lesson plans tend to be cumulative and build upon each other.

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u/shenanigan_shannen 14d ago

I remember reading a post from a college professor saying that when she moved her 8 am class to the afternoon, suddenly her students' grandparents stopped dying. I can only imagine how difficult it is to be selective with compassion due to students just making excuses to get extensions.

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u/simplyykristyy 14d ago

I got in a decently bad car accident in college as I was driving home from my exs place (he had school so he left at the same time). I called him in panic and he immediately turned around and met me after the ambulance and firetruck came and he told his professor that he wasn't going to be at class.

His professor ask for proof. My ex sent him a pic of my car. The professor replied and was like, "well that could be anyone's car."

... I can only imagine the amount of students who have used the "car accident" excuse lol or maybe the professor was just a dick.

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u/Adhesiveness_Healthy 14d ago

i feel sympathy for the liars though too somehow… I’ve been stupid and forgotten about an entire exam (adhd) and been in a situation where I either have to retake the course with money I don’t have or somehow convince the prof to give me mercy. Seriously considered lying to her. It’s a terrible situation to be in even though it’s my own negligence . I ended up taking the risk for my own conscience, just saying I forgot (in a long and pleading email), and she actually SOMEHOW let me email it to her. It’s a morally terrible thing to do to lie like that but it’s the safest bet if you made a mistake and can’t afford a failure.

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u/NerdOfHeart 14d ago

I had a policy for students that allowed them to miss three assignments and get an automatic C on any project even if they didn’t do it at all (except for the final project).

I can’t speak for all TA, adjunct professors, and tenure professors, but most understand that students have a life of their own and their own personal challenges.

I personally value the personal lives of students and want to be as accommodating as possible. It’s a balancing act of course, but as long as the student communicates their situation, I will always do my best to assist them however I can.

To any current or future students reading this, my #1 word of advice, go to your professor’s or TA’s office hours. Even if it’s for a simple question, or just to check in a say hi, build that connection with your instructor early. Come mid terms or near the end of the semester/quarter, it will always be useful to have a good connection with them.

They may even bump your grade up if you are between a C+ or a B or anything similar

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u/pcprofanity 14d ago

One of my college roommates had “lost” 6 grandmothers and 4 grandfathers by senior year. Man was he begging for some kind of karmic justice. Certainly not questioning OP’s post, it just reminded me of that guy.

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u/needlzor 14d ago

That's why a lot of universities have an accommodation office. As a prof I already have way too much shit to deal with, the last thing I need is to become the arbiter of justifications for extensions and all that. In fact if I started giving individual extensions like in the OP my head would roll.

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u/scarf_in_summer 14d ago

Yeah this is all well and good if you have 20 total students, now imagine you have 600.

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u/Sarah_withanH 14d ago

I had an employer ask me to bring back a funeral program or church bulletin signed by the minister. To prove my grandma died and I needed the day of the funeral off.

He did, indeed look like a jerk. To my grandma’s pastor especially.

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u/xain_the_idiot 14d ago

As a college student who's been told to basically go fuck myself with 2 doctors' notes from the ER before, 1. This is definitely not the only reason teachers refuse an extension, and 2. Wouldn't it be less rude to ask for proof than to assume someone is lying about their relative dying and refuse to help them? High schools manage to do this when a relative dies and the student needs to take off for a funeral, so why can't universities?

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u/piouiy 14d ago

It’s not really within the scope of a Professors job to be looking at your medical documents and deciding the severity etc.

There are university policies, department policies etc. They need to uphold the worth of the degree and all students need to qualify to graduate. So it’s really not as easy as you make it sound. Prof 1 perhaps just simply doesn’t have much leeway to give extensions.

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u/JetPuffedDo 14d ago

My school gave me months off when my dad passed. The staff helped raise money for my wodowed mother who is also disabled. My teacher and my brother's teacher even went to the funeral to pay their respects. It was in elementary school, but they were extremely compassionate about the whole thing.

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u/Odd_Earth8713 14d ago

So sorry about your Mom sending peace and love to you. Professor 2 is amazing

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u/stfufannin 14d ago

Yep. Losing my dad fucked me up so bad I could barely finish school, and he passed the day before I started fall term of my senior year.

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u/Overall-Opening6078 14d ago

I kinda understand prof #1. A friend of mine teaches at college and he says you’d be shocked how many students lose family members around midterms.

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u/sidesslidingslowly 14d ago

I mean it's not that hard to request a copy of a obituary link etc if the professor has concerns about honesty.

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u/Overall-Opening6078 14d ago

Exactly, I’ve had a professor request a death certificate when my aunt died and it was simple to find and send over.

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u/s2k_guy 14d ago

When my mom died I was 19. I took a biology exam, came home for lunch and she collapsed. I missed my afternoon lab. I was also taking a history class. I missed a few days. A few days later I emailed my two professors. One offered all the help he could and wanted to see me succeed.

I asked the bio professor is she could go over the material I missed during office hours, she gave me an incredibly condescending email about how it was my responsibility to catch up what I missed. My mom died in my arms. I forwarded the email to a dean with whom I had a good relationship.

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