r/TheTryGuys Oct 07 '22

Empathy for Alex Serious

I’ve seen a lot of posts condemning Alex for cheating and implying that Alex and Ned’s relationship was on the same wavelength so she deserves to get fired too. In reality though, she was the employee and the power dynamics isn’t talked about enough. How consenting was the yes in the start and could she have said no later in the relationship without it threatening her job. Also to people who say, Ned is getting more flack. Well yea, he literally built his brand off being a family man and loving his wife, but Alex has no brand. She’s not an influencer also her life is probably really hellish at the moment. She lost friends, and her fiancée and now has to deal with the falling out. I think that punishment is enough and clearly the rest of the Try Guys hold no ill will towards her. I’m glad, Eugene made the statement about the internet being more critical and hurtful towards women. At the end of the day though, yes Alex did a shitty thing but it doesn’t mean she’s a shitty person. I hope she is doing well, reflecting and finding peace for herself and life.

10 Upvotes

87

u/pimentoplanes Oct 07 '22

I think, like Keith said, the punishment is not proportionate to the crime given the scale of humiliation. NYT reporting about you having an affair with your boss? Tons of people calling you sexist and racist things, insulting her looks? The first thing I thought of when cnn reported the pictures of the club is how it would be to explain this to my mom and I would legit barf at just the thought. She may not have lost her job but she definitely lost any semblance of a relationship with her coworkers. I hope she realizes that this will eventually pass and that although it’s a result of her poor judgment, it’s not going to define her forever and she still has a career ahead of her.

She needs to choose her next steps wisely. Lay low, salvage any bridge that isn’t fully incinerated, rely on your support system, and focus on the steps ahead.

26

u/Puzzleheaded-Car-555 Oct 07 '22

I wouldn't be surprised if she's one of the people who's gotten death threats.

29

u/pimentoplanes Oct 07 '22

I assumed that’s who they were talking about.

36

u/de-milo Oct 07 '22

i think there is a LOT more to the alex situation that we don’t know (and may never know).

6

u/ProphecyAlpha Oct 07 '22

Would you value your Try Guys gig over your 10+ year relationship with your Fiancé?

4

u/de-milo Oct 07 '22

no but i’m also not alex and have no idea what that situation was for her. i’m not making excuses or condoning her behavior but the guys have alluded twice now in both the video and the podcast that there’s more to it.

67

u/SarahNink7 Oct 07 '22

I’m just frustrated that people don’t understand that both can be true. This situation is not black and white in the slightest. Also, I firmly believe we do not have all of the information. Everyone on this sub needs to recognize that you are not personally apart of any of this. And because of that, it is inappropriate to be like “Alex is trash! She’s a home wrecker” and it’s also inappropriate to be like “she was clearly coerced and manipulated”. The person at fault 1000% is Ned. Whether Alex shares the blame is irrelevant.

17

u/sanluiscalifornia Oct 07 '22

This. We don’t know all the information.

4

u/throwaway1070224 Oct 07 '22

I was totally pissed off at Alex for quite some time because I was projecting some of my emotions from being cheated on in the past but after some reflection, I think this is much more true. Ned being in a position of power had all said power to not go forward with an affair but he did it anyway knowing the consequences. His family, career, the guys. It is definitely his fault and Alex does not deserve to be attacked as much as some of us have been doing.

Plus as someone pointed out to me, we don't know the details and and it's pure speculation at this point. I think as some of our initial reactions settle down, maybe we can all have a little more empathy for the whole team.

However I still think cheating is terrible and still can't stand the hurt it causes.

29

u/PupChem Miles Nation Oct 07 '22

I keep thinking back to their 2018 rewind where Alex said she was a big fan of the Try Guys from the early buzzfeed days. Not only was there a boss/employee power dynamic, but also a celeb/fan power dynamic. It’s clear from their response that, while she’s an adult that’s responsible for her own actions, Ned had a responsibility to her that he grossly ignored. She made her own choices, but Keith is absolutely right that what she’s experiencing would be extremely difficult for even the strongest person.

11

u/SaltyWitch1393 Oct 07 '22

Someone else worded in a way that opened my eyes a lot & they said something along the lines of how she had her shitty job at buzzfeed and looked up to The Try Guys & they essentially saved her by bringing her on their team (save may be the wrong word, but I believe she was also depressed at buzzfeed so they really helped her turn her life around in some aspects.) I think someone said she explained this in more detail in their swimming with sharks video?

So Alex really looked up to The Try Guys and then gets to work with them?! She probably did idolize them to a degree. I’m not trying to defend her & I am angry at her, but when I start thinking about those first steps man I feel for her. She got caught up & holy shit is she paying for it now.

1

u/Xanaphiaa TryFam Oct 07 '22

Yeah with her being an employee and a former fan especially, he had a responsibility to not sleep with her/ do this in particular, beyond just not cheating on his wife in general. And that’s how he particularly failed her. Of course that doesn’t cancel out the fact that Alex wrecked her own relationship, engagement and possibly other personal relationships of her own accord by cheating.

25

u/shrimp_heaven_ Oct 07 '22

Listen I feel sympathy for her, I do. The racism and death threats are disturbing and need to stop, but I'm not going to over correct and infantilize her. She's a 30 year-old-woman that came from a privileged background with connections to the entertainment industry. Did Ned wield power over her in the job? 100%. Could she have quit and used good old Hollywood nepotism to get a new job? Most likely. Could she have possibly tried to get Ned blackballed from future TV and movie production? I have no freaking idea. Would she have? Again I don't know the girl's personality, but that seems unlikely. We know Ned did a really super shitty thing and she participated in it, and it's always shittier when you are on friendly terms with the person's partner. Do I think she's a homewrecker? Only to her own home with her own fiance. Ned did the wrecking of his own home. However Alex betrayed Ariel and YB, and others. I'm not going to carry the same empathy for her as I do for the girl who was 19 and had an affair with Adam Levine.

I hope she is able to find a great new job working behind the scenes, (and I'm sure she will be able to), but I do not care to see her face on a youtube again.

4

u/kearosene Oct 07 '22

Thank you for the different perspective and it gives me more insight.

11

u/xaxhleyx Oct 07 '22

Hi OP! I made a similar post and got tons of hate. Just know that you don't deserve the backlash you get from this post. Alex does deserve empathy, and that can simultaneously happen while you're holding her accountable for her actions. ❤️

5

u/kearosene Oct 07 '22

Thank you 💛 yea it’s definitely weird, like i’m not giving empathy that she cheated. i’m giving empathy that people are villanizing her and thinking because she’s not speaking out that means, she’s guilty “guilty” like it’s more nuance than that. like why would she put out a statement with a huge chance that people are just going to be more cruel. like, also it’s not our place to hold her accountable. so why are we expecting her to explain the situation to us if it does involve not us.

3

u/shrimp_heaven_ Oct 07 '22

That makes sense. I don't think she should put out a statement give the number of racist people in her dms, I think most people will forget this even happened in two weeks, aside from the current fans.

1

u/Xanaphiaa TryFam Oct 07 '22

Same!! I got some really nasty comments on the post I made yesterday that bordered on just straight up insulting me.

1

u/shrimp_heaven_ Oct 07 '22

Absolutely! I feel bad about the severe hate shes getting for her wrong doing, and hope she her career does not come to a halt over this. But there are a lot justified complaints and critiques of her out there and she is a public figure having the food babies series and her own youtube channel. Luckily, unless you're a c-lister, the public forgets names pretty quickly. I do hope she seeks therapy to get through this if she hasn't already though.

-4

u/supapfunk Oct 07 '22

Ok but don't call a 30 year old adult grown woman a "girl".

31

u/gemmasmomma Oct 07 '22

Idk I’m still pretty firmly team “f Alex” bc she both cheated on her fiancé and helped Ned cheat on his wife. That being said, no one deserves death threats or anything and yeah, like Keith said, this is a lot for even the strongest person. And we all make mistakes but sometimes we have to really FEEL the weight of our mistakes for it to sink in, for us to learn from them. That’s just life.

Edit: not that I’m saying Alex deserves more hate than Ned, just saying I in no way feel sorry for her.

5

u/kearosene Oct 07 '22

I agree to extent. but i also don’t see empathy as feeling sorry for her. definitely agree with the life thing. that’s why i said, i hope she reflects from this. :)

3

u/zangtoi Oct 07 '22

I agree that there was a power dynamic, be it boss-subordinate, hell, even celebrity-fan, however, Alex went into this KNOWING that Ned is married. She went into this while engaged to someone she's been with for 10 years. I might feel differently if she was a random 20-year-old Ned picked up at a bar. But no, she's in her 30s and she knew Ariel.

19

u/potato_gato Miles Nation Oct 07 '22

I do feel empathy for what she is most likely going through at the moment. I can never imagine making such a huge mistake like that in front of the world. Is she innocent? No, her fiancé had every right to break things off and she should feel remorse for hurting people… but does she deserve all the hate swirling around the internet and in her face? No. She also doesn’t deserve to lose her job (as much as I wouldn’t like to see her working there anymore) she didn’t bear the weight of responsibility Ned had as her manager. This issue is primarily Ned’s fault and he needs to fully owe up to that (not by muddying the public perception by carefully using the phrase “consensual workplace relationship” or by trying to hide behind the Guys (ie the font thing) or Ariel (the paparazzi thing). Alex needs to just lay low and hopefully learn something from her whole part in this.

13

u/kearosene Oct 07 '22

Honestly, listening to the podcast and reading stuff makes me think that Ned likes to twist a lot of things for his own benefits. I definitely hope that Alex learns from this and whatnot, like she’s not a victim but also the extreme backlash towards her isn’t warranted.

12

u/potato_gato Miles Nation Oct 07 '22

Agreed. This whole thing has made me notice how twisty he is, it’s so gross and disappointing. He just really seems like the kind of person who deflects and refuses to admit when he’s wrong, like he thinks he’s too smart for his own good. Glad to see karma catching up to people like that (being people of privilege and power who think they deserve to get away with things). The sad thing is I don’t think he will really learn.

8

u/kearosene Oct 07 '22

No for real, when he was smiling and shit in that TMZ video i was like ????

6

u/karnav25369 Oct 07 '22

Personally, I have no empathy for Alex, Ned or any cheaters. However, I do hope that the Try Guys are providing counseling for her. As a company, they absolutely have the obligation to protect their employees. I don't think any of us can even imagine what she's currently going through and it will continue to be a struggle as she navigates the public shaming, inter-office politics, and likely some condemnation from peers and family in her private life as well.

14

u/Turcluckin Oct 07 '22

I agree with you. Even if she was consenting in the beginning and should hold blame personally for hurting will/ariel - could she have changed her mind without it effecting her job? Who knows. Maybe she didn’t know either, and therefore didn’t know how to end it with him.

Both of them are equally responsible for hurting relationships with friends and family. But as far as the power dynamic, it’s like some people here refuse to understand how that could play a part in her not being able to end things on her own terms. Like some people don’t understand how HR implications of a CEO dating an employee is it’s own wrong thing outside of the cheating roots.

7

u/kearosene Oct 07 '22

All we have is his statement and making assumptions off that, like multiple things can be true.

18

u/Ok_Location4659 Oct 07 '22

No one deserves death threats so for that, I’m very sorry for her. Saying that… she should’ve known better. So I can’t have empathy for her, she’s a grown adult who knew exactly what (and who) she was doing 🤷‍♀️

2

u/use_vpn_orlozeacount Oct 07 '22

No one deserves death threats

Agreed

4

u/kearosene Oct 07 '22

True, I guess mean empathy in a way towards the the extreme hate she is getting. of course I don’t empathize that she cheated but it’s abhorrent that some people make it like she was the ringleader in this relationship.

5

u/peach-bellinis Oct 07 '22

I agree somewhat. I don’t think she deserves to be fired. She was not the one causing the power imbalance, so it wouldn’t be right. She definitely doesn’t deserve death threats, racist comments, insults about her appearance, or excessive hate. I disagree though where you said she isn’t a shitty person but she just did a shitty thing. She’s definitely a shitty person. Cheating on your partner is not something to be taken lightly. It’s not something good people do. I feel bad for her fiancé and Ariel. Ned definitely fucked up more in this entire situation, which I think everyone is on the same page about. I guess I just don’t see the point on leaving her hate/death threats but certainly don’t feel myself feeling bad for her at this time

3

u/SaltyWitch1393 Oct 07 '22

I just can’t imagine working with The Try Guys after this. Aren’t there only like 20 employees, if that?! They’re all extremely close knit & in small offices gossip is always happening. She is part of the reason their dynamic broke up. Ned is gone & she ruined multiple relationships. I’d be mortified to show my face ever again. Even if she can work from home there’s still phone calls, texts, emails & I’m sure a good number of the staff want nothing to do with her.

2

u/freshbiscottie Oct 07 '22

I don't think she would ever be fired because of the legal implications, but I can't imagine her staying there when she knows that everyone in the office knows who she is and what she was apart of.

1

u/peach-bellinis Oct 07 '22

Agreed, I’d be shocked if she chose not to quit. I don’t know anyone who would want to continue working in that environment. I guess I just see it as (slightly) more redeemable to have the ability to quit on your own terms even though it’s implied that you should versus being publicly fired like Ned was. Ned is the one who put the Try Guys’ whole brand at jeopardy by sleeping with a subordinate whereas Alex’s main fault was being unfaithful to her own partner

2

u/freshbiscottie Oct 07 '22

Right now I think she has it better than Ned. She's been getting the benefit of the doubt from a lot of people, especially because of the power dynamic situation. And to be totally honest, I think both of them are responsible for all of this. They're both in their 30s, so I'm pretty sure they knew what they were doing, but that was the whole thrill of it. That's the only way it makes sense why they would brazenly go out on dates and makeout in public spaces, both knowing that they're public figures. People make it sound like she was an undergraduate intern and he was an elderly senior executive when bringing up the power dynamic factor, when in reality she was already pretty high up on the corporate ladder, was directly associated with the Try Guy members, and they were in the same age range.

2

u/SaltyWitch1393 Oct 07 '22

I mean look at how the whole Jordan Woods situation worked out. Jordan Woods is fine & had MANY opportunities after the Kardashian/Jenner fall out. Alex gained 40,000+ insta followers. People know her name & in Hollywood we all know the saying, “Any press is good press.” Maybe Alex will end up on top at the end of the day.

(I’m not saying I WANT this to happen for her - just pointing out another side. I don’t agree with the death threats or racism AT ALL. I’m also on Team Ariel 100000% & if any one should benefit from this situation or end up on top I hope it’s Ariel & the boys)

3

u/MDOTz Oct 07 '22

Keith was right, it would be hard for anyone to have your biggest mistake blasted publicly for a large audience to judge you for it, having thousands and thousands of eyes on you judging you. That would be crushing. Mistake are meant to be made and learned from, not have a spotlight put on them. In that regard, I do feel for her. It’s a lot.

That said, I don’t think Keith would expect the fans or anyone to have sympathy for her, or feel bad, or wish her well, or hope she’s finding peace. I’m sure the feel for her while feeling disappointed in her actions. My hope is she learns and grows from this a better person, that she realizes that your mistakes don’t define you. The punishment doesn’t fit the crime, in this case. But actions have consequences, even with the power imbalance factor. That’s about it.

15

u/billehalliday Oct 07 '22

She lost friends,

She dissapointed them, perhaps.

and her fiancée

that was the wise choice, no one must stay with a cheater if they dont see fit

and now has to deal with the falling out.

And today in "people from LA learn that actions have consequences"....

At the end of the day though, yes Alex did a shitty thing but it doesn’t mean she’s a shitty person.

We will never know that, but don't try to make internet strangers to not think so.

I hope she is doing well, reflecting and finding peace for herself and life.

I hope Ariel is doing fine

13

u/aruaryana TryFam: Zach Oct 07 '22

I swear I've seen more posts of telling people to stop the hate than actually hating on Alex. Ned is literally getting the brunt of the hate but no one's worried about his mental health. I think Alex is not even getting enough criticism . A 30 year old didn't know that sleeping with a married man while being engaged herself was wrong?? It wasn't a one time thing from being coerced by her boss it went on for a whole year.

-1

u/kearosene Oct 07 '22

I never stated that it wasn’t wrong but it’s not straightforward either. multiple truths can exist and the only person who stated it was consensual was Ned.

8

u/aruaryana TryFam: Zach Oct 07 '22

Bro Alex hasn't even taken accountability yet. That last sentence don't matter cuz she not even gonna be acknowledging cuz she definitely knows she was in the wrong with no excuses. There's pics of them going on dates throughout the whole year. They look comfy AF to me 💀

13

u/astamar Oct 07 '22

What do you expect accountability to look like in this situation? Accountability does not necessarily mean a public apology. Alex has definitely been held accountable for her actions in that she has lost her relation, her friends, and any good will she has in the public eye.

The reason why you're seeing a lot of posts about Alex right now is because she is getting very targeted harassment. Lots of people have been hating on Ned, but Alex has been getting death threats, people have been harassing her friends and family, etc. Also, age really has nothing to do with this. You can fuck up at any age. You don't magically lost the ability to make bad decisions after turning 30.

You can understand that Alex did a really shitty thing, while also understanding that Ned, as her boss, did the shittier thing (by being her boss and engaging in an inappropriate relationship). A major concern right now within the sub, is that a lot of people aren't willing to consider that these power dynamics are not okay, and take the mention of them as people dismissing Alex's actions. This is worrying, because these kinds of thoughts are what often leads people to not report harassment (I'm not saying that there was any harassment here, but the idea of 'well you should just know better' is often what makes people feel afraid to speak up).

Keith and Zach have very specifically asked people to leave Alex alone. We, as the audience, and people who are not involved, don't get to decide what an appropriate response is. We have been asked to leave Alex alone by the people who have been effected, and we have to respect their wishes. If people want to criticize Alex, they can do so privately.

4

u/kearosene Oct 07 '22

thank you for saying this in a more articulate way. I suck with words but I definitely agree.

5

u/WanderTroll1 Oct 07 '22

Shes a shitty person

6

u/catsoverdogsanyday2 Oct 07 '22

I have none for her

2

u/mscaptmarv Oct 07 '22

unless and until we know how things were from alex's perspective, i personally don't know how much blame i could ascribe to her. it's a tricky situation. there's a reason ned was fired, and that's because of just how this situation could have been - he could have coerced her. not saying that's what happened. the point is, we don't know. alex hasn't said anything about this (and is not required to). all i know is, i would feel extremely bad for putting things on her either way - holding her "accountable" if she was a victim and utterly blameless, or saying she's innocent when she's not. i think it's best that we focus solely on what we DO know, which is that ned was in the position of power in their workplace dynamic, and should have known better than to do what he did, regardless of the actual details of the situation. either way, neither party should be getting racist comments or threats of any kind. what was done was shitty, but those things are even shittier.

2

u/unevercallmesausage Oct 07 '22

what’s frustrating to me is how many people on this sub have been speaking on this situation while being completely uneducated on the matter. they are spreading incorrect information that could be harmful to victims.

0

u/tumbletumblron Oct 07 '22

There are plenty of people talking about the power dynamics and pretending Alex had zero agency and basically being completely misogynistic under the guise of feminism but okay.

0

u/Catch-the-Rabbit Oct 07 '22

I think until we have a statement from Alex, I'm not going to paint her as a victim

Do you think that if she was feeling pressured into sex with ned that she couldn't go to Eugene about it? Or one of the other try wives?!?! Or.......maybe that guy she was with for 10 yrs?!

Or the.....female producer?!?

Sure there is no reason to call her names and shame her, but there sure as shit isn't any reason to victimize her.